At Glacier Psychology Services, one of the most impactful conversations we encourage parents to have with their children is about the difference between rights and privileges. This is a concept that, when introduced early and reinforced consistently, lays a powerful foundation for emotional regulation, gratitude, and personal responsibility.
Why the Distinction Matters
Children and teens naturally seek independence, control, and fairness. But without guidance, they can start to view everything they have access to—from screen time to soccer cleats—as entitlements, rather than gifts or earned opportunities. Clarifying what they have a right to versus what is a privilege helps reduce power struggles, create healthy boundaries, and foster a more respectful and appreciative dynamic within the home.
What Is a Right?
A right is something every child should have, no matter what. These are non-negotiable elements of a safe, nurturing environment. Examples include:
• Nutritious meals and snacks
• Clothes to wear to school
• Access to education
• Age-appropriate privacy (like time alone in their room)
• A home where they are safe, loved, and respected
What Is a Privilege?
A privilege, on the other hand, is something that is earned and can be taken away when necessary. These often include:
• Watching TV or using devices
• Playing video games
• Choosing their own clothes or makeup
• Going to playdates, sleepovers, or events
• Having the newest gadgets or designer items
These things are often misconstrued by children (and even teens) as guaranteed, which can lead to frustration or entitlement when they are limited or withheld. That’s why it’s essential for parents to regularly reinforce: Privileges are earned by meeting expectations and contributing to the family.
Reasonable Expectations for Children
Children of all ages can and should contribute in age-appropriate ways to their own responsibilities and to the well-being of the household. Reasonable expectations may include:
• Getting ready for school on time
• Completing homework and trying their best in school
• Being on time and prepared for extracurricular activities
• Taking care of their belongings (e.g., sports equipment, backpacks)
• Helping with household chores (loading the dishwasher, picking up toys, vacuuming, feeding a pet)
These are not punishments—they are essential life skills. When children understand that privileges are tied to these expectations, they are more likely to engage with them willingly and feel a sense of accomplishment when they succeed.
Start These Conversations Early
Even toddlers can begin to learn that they are part of a family team. When a parent says, “I’m putting away the dishes to help our family,” or “You’re picking up your toys because everyone has responsibilities,” they are planting the seeds of mutual care and contribution.
Over time, this messaging builds emotional resilience—your child learns that sometimes they may not get what they want right away, and that’s okay. They also begin to understand and appreciate the many ways their parents show love through care, structure, and support.
A Pathway to Gratitude and Growth
When children understand what they are entitled to versus what they have earned or received as a gift, they’re better able to:
• Appreciate what they have
• Take responsibility for their actions
• Accept limits and consequences without meltdown or defiance
• Acknowledge their parents’ efforts with gratitude
This mindset shift can be transformative for family dynamics. At Glacier Psychology Services, we help parents navigate these important conversations, equip them with language that empowers, and support them in raising respectful, self-aware, and grateful kids.
If you’re looking for support in building these values in your home, our team is here to help—because when kids understand the “why” behind the rules, they’re more likely to follow them and thrive.