Parenting can be deeply rewarding and it can also be deeply frustrating at times. Even the most loving, intentional parents find themselves overwhelmed at times, especially when emotions run high, behaviors escalate, and everyone’s nervous system feels stretched thin.
In those moments, it’s easy to slip into fear-based reactions, harsh self-talk, or power struggles with our children. That’s why having a few grounding truths to return to can make such a powerful difference, not just for your child, but for you.
Below are five core reminders we encourage parents to keep close when frustration shows up. These truths help shift the focus from “What’s wrong with my child?” to “What does my child need, and how can I support them through this?”
1. My child is good
When behavior is challenging, it can feel personal. But behavior is not a reflection of your child’s character.
Children are not bad, broken, manipulative, or intentionally trying to make things harder. Challenging behavior is communication. It often signals unmet needs, big emotions, or skills that are still developing.
Pause + Reset:
Take one slow breath and remind yourself:
“My child is not the problem. They are struggling right now.”
2. My child is trying to maintain attachment with me
At their core, children want connection. They want to feel safe, loved, and close to their caregivers. Even behaviors that look defiant or oppositional are often attempts to maintain attachment—especially during moments of stress or overwhelm.
Your child does not want to disappoint you. They want reassurance that the relationship is secure, even when things feel hard.
Pause + Reset:
Silently remind yourself:
“This behavior is about connection, not defiance.”
3. The words I say to and about my child become their inner voice
Children internalize how they are spoken to. Over time, your tone, language, and labels shape the way your child talks to themselves when you’re not there.
This doesn’t mean you can’t set limits or address behavior—it means that how you do it matters. Guidance teaches. Shame wounds.
Pause + Reset:
Before responding, ask yourself:
“Would I want my child to say this to themselves one day?”
4. My child co-regulates with me
Children borrow regulation from the adults around them. When a caregiver is distressed, a child’s nervous system often escalates. When a caregiver is calm, or actively returning to calm, it helps de-escalate the child’s internal experience.
Your regulation is one of the most powerful tools you have.
Pause + Reset:
Plant your feet on the ground, soften your shoulders, and slow your breath before responding.
5. It is my responsibility to teach emotional regulation skills
Children are not born knowing how to manage frustration, disappointment, or anger. These are learned skills.
When a child struggles emotionally, they are not “giving you a hard time”—they are having a hard time. Just as you would teach reading, riding a bike, or tying shoes, emotional regulation must be taught, modeled, and practiced over time.
Pause + Reset:
Remind yourself:
“They are still learning. This is a teaching moment, not a punishment moment.”
A final reminder for parents
You do not have to parent perfectly. There will be moments when you miss the mark and that’s okay. Repair matters more than perfection.
Every time you pause, reflect, and choose connection over reaction, you are helping your child build emotional safety, resilience, and trust, both in you and in themselves.
If parenting feels overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Support, guidance, and growth are always possible.