Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
Many of us understand that work is hard—and when it gets harder, we rise to the challenge. We double down. We find new strategies, ask for help, stay up late, put in the time, and do what needs to be done.
But when parenting gets hard, many of us feel the urge to pull away. We tell ourselves we’re out of ideas, out of patience, or maybe even out of hope. We become passive. We wait for the phase to pass, for our child to mature, or for someone else to intervene. But the truth is: when parenting gets hard, we don’t get to tap out—we have to lean in. We have to parent harder.
That doesn’t mean yelling louder or doling out stricter consequences. Parenting harder means becoming more engaged, not less. It means digging deeper emotionally, mentally, and relationally. It’s incredibly challenging—and it’s also where some of the most important parenting work happens.
Parenting harder might look like being vulnerable. It might sound like saying to your child, “I’m having a harder time connecting with you lately. And even though that’s tough, it’s important to me. I want us to work together to figure this out.” It’s not weakness to be open like this—it’s courage. And it models emotional honesty in a way that no lecture ever could.
Parenting harder might look like holding boundaries, even when your child protests. Especially when they protest. Whether it’s about screen time, sleep schedules, or who they’re hanging out with, kids need us to be the adults. They need limits. They need consistency. And yes, they’ll often push back—but deep down, those boundaries make them feel safer, not more restricted.
Parenting harder means paying close attention. In today’s world, that’s more necessary—and more exhausting—than ever. There are countless voices competing for your child’s attention online, and it’s your job to stay curious and informed. Who are they texting? What are they watching? What are they learning about themselves and others through their digital lives? You don’t need to spy—you need to engage. Stay in the loop. Stay in conversation.
And when they do open up, parenting harder means truly listening. Listening without rushing to fix. Listening without interrupting. Listening without judgment. That kind of listening takes serious self-awareness. It requires us to manage our own reactions so we can make space for theirs.
And let’s be honest: that’s a skill. A hard one. But one that gets better with practice. Listening with empathy, validating without minimizing, being present without defensiveness—these are the muscles we build when we commit to parenting harder. Not because it’s easy. But because it matters.
So if parenting feels hard right now, it’s not a sign that you’re failing. It’s a sign that you’re in the thick of the work. And the best thing you can do? Don’t back away. Don’t resign. Lean in. Parent harder. Your kids need you to stay close, stay consistent, and stay committed—even when it’s tough.
Especially when it’s tough.