When I first began my work as a therapist, I was stunned by how many parents and couples told me they felt completely disconnected from their partner. At first, I thought maybe it was the stress of whatever conflict brought them to therapy. But over time, a theme emerged: they weren’t fighting all the time or yelling across the house—they simply weren’t interacting at all.
One would leave for work before the other woke up. The kids’ schedules ruled the afternoons. By the time the dishwasher hummed and the backpacks were packed for the next day, one partner was already asleep on the couch. Days, even weeks, would pass with little more than a logistical exchange: “Did you grab the milk?” “Who’s picking up the kids tomorrow?” “The dog puked on the rug again.”
Some couples admitted they’d gone entire weeks without kissing their spouse. Not even a quick goodbye kiss or an “I see you” hug at the end of the day.
Let me be clear: this is not a sign that your relationship is doomed—but it is a flashing light warning you that your connection is slipping out of reach. And the hard truth? No relationship can survive—let alone thrive—on autopilot.
It’s Not About the Kiss
A kiss isn’t going to magically solve years of disconnection or resentment. But it is a moment. And moments matter.
That kiss is a tiny act of mindfulness. It’s a pause in the chaos that reminds you: we chose each other. That kiss is a message that says: “I still see you. You’re still important to me.” And the more we build these micro-moments of connection into our day, the more we feel emotionally tethered to one another—no matter how hectic life gets.
Why Connection Matters (Especially for Parents)
When couples tell me they feel like co-managers of a household rather than romantic partners, it usually means they’ve lost the us part of their relationship. They’ve become project managers, chauffeurs, accountants, and short-order cooks—but not lovers, teammates, or friends.
The danger here isn’t just growing apart—it’s losing sight of the very reason you built this life together in the first place. Relationships need tending. They don’t survive on shared calendars and chore charts alone.
And if you’re a parent, this matters double. Because your children are watching. They’re watching how you look at each other. How you touch. How you laugh (or don’t). They’re learning what partnership looks like from you. And one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is the security of knowing their parents still love each other—and prioritize each other.
Simple Ways to Reclaim Connection in a Busy Life
You don’t need a full-blown date night (though I won’t stop you from planning one). Here are small, doable ways to inject connection back into your day:
- One kiss a day. Not a peck-on-the-cheek-as-you-scroll kiss. An actual pause. Look them in the eye. Kiss them like you mean it.
- Five-minute check-ins. Sit down after the kids are in bed. No TV. No phones. Just five minutes to ask, “How are you really doing?”
- Flirt like you’re dating. Leave a sticky note in their lunch. Send a “thinking of you” text. Share an inside joke or memory.
- Go to bed at the same time. Even if one of you scrolls and the other reads—just be in the same space. It creates natural opportunities for connection (and cuddling).
- Weekly connection rituals. This could be Sunday morning coffee, an evening walk, or listening to a podcast together. Whatever fits into your life—protect it like it matters.
- Touch more. A hand on the back. A squeeze of the shoulder. A brush of the hand while passing by. Physical touch is grounding.
- Say thank you. Acknowledge the little things they do. “Thanks for handling bedtime,” goes a long way in a day filled with unspoken expectations.
Let’s Stop Waiting for a Free Weekend
The truth is, your calendar will never suddenly clear itself for the perfect couple’s retreat. Kids will always need snacks. Work will always spill over. Groceries won’t magically shop themselves.
But the health of your relationship cannot wait until life slows down. You can’t keep pushing your marriage to the bottom of the list and expect it to stay strong.
So start small. One kiss. One kind word. One moment of intentional presence.
You don’t need more time. You just need to notice each other again.
Ready to rebuild connection in your marriage?
Our team can provide strategies to help couples reconnect, even in the busiest seasons of life. We will help you set goals, track progress and get your spark back!