As parents, it’s natural to want to protect our children from pain and discomfort—especially when we see them struggling with anxiety. We want to step in, soften the edges, remove the hurdles, and make things easier. The problem is, when it comes to helping your child truly manage their anxiety, comfort isn’t the goal—confidence is.
And confidence comes from doing hard things.
Just like the only way to learn to ride a bike is to actually get on and ride—wobbling, falling, and trying again—the only way to learn to manage anxiety is to practice facing it. Avoiding anxious situations might feel like relief in the moment, but it actually strengthens the anxiety over time. The more we avoid, the more powerful the fear becomes.
The truth is: we can’t (and shouldn’t) protect our children from ever feeling anxious. What we can do is help them understand what anxiety feels like, and teach them that they are capable of facing it head-on.
Normalize, Don’t Eliminate
Anxiety shows up in all kinds of ways—stomach aches, headaches, a racing heart, trouble concentrating, or simply saying “I don’t feel good.” These are real, valid experiences. Instead of rushing to “fix” them or remove the situation, try simply naming what’s happening:
“It sounds like you’re feeling nervous. That makes total sense—trying new things can feel scary.”
Reassure with Confidence
One of the most powerful things you can say to an anxious child is this:
“I know you’re feeling nervous—and I know you can do it.”
This kind of reassurance is different from saying, “You’ll be fine” or “There’s nothing to worry about.” While well-intended, those responses can feel dismissive. What kids need is to feel that you believe in their ability to do hard things, even while they’re scared.
When your child feels anxious about joining a new soccer team, raising their hand in class, or walking into a birthday party alone, don’t rush in to do it for them. Instead, model the behavior first, and then hand them the reins:
“Let’s go say hi together. I’ll introduce myself first—‘Hi, I’m Sam’s mom. How old are you guys?’”
(Then look at your child and say…)
“Want to tell them your name and how old you are?”
Then step back and let them take it from there.
This gentle nudge—paired with your calm presence and faith in their ability—helps them stretch beyond their comfort zone without feeling abandoned.
Celebrate Courage, Not Just SuccessWhether they nail the new experience or stumble their way through it, praise the effort. Trying something new while anxious is a huge win in itself.
“I’m so proud of you for trying something that felt hard. You were really brave.”
Over time, your child will begin to build an internal sense of confidence. They’ll start to realize that yes, they can be nervous and do it anyway. That anxiety isn’t something to be feared—it’s something to be faced.
Final ThoughtsHelping your child manage anxiety doesn’t mean helping them avoid it. It means walking beside them as they face it, showing them what courage looks like, and helping them build the skills and self-belief to do hard things.
The best support isn’t always a safety net—it’s a steady hand on the back, whispering:
“You’ve got this. I believe in you.”