For too long, we’ve bounced between extremes when it comes to handling fear and discomfort—especially with kids. We grew up hearing things like “Stop being a baby” or “You’re fine, shake it off.” And while there’s something to be said for resilience, invalidating emotions doesn’t make them go away; it just makes them fester in silence.
Now, though, there’s been a shift in the opposite direction. We’ve become so focused on making sure kids feel safe and supported that sometimes we let their fears dictate the terms. Instead of pushing them to step outside their comfort zone, we over-accommodate, sending the message that fear is a stop sign rather than a hurdle to overcome.
The truth is, neither extreme serves them well. The key is to listen to their fears, validate their emotions, and then encourage them to take the leap anyway.
Teaching Kids to Trust Themselves
If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver, one of the most valuable gifts you can give a child is the confidence to face challenges. Fear is normal—it’s a sign they’re stepping into something new, something that has the potential to help them grow.
When your child tells you they’re scared about their first basketball game, don’t dismiss it. Don’t tell them, “Oh, stop worrying, you’ll be fine.” Instead, acknowledge what they’re feeling:
“Yeah, it makes sense that you feel nervous. It’s your first game, and you don’t know exactly how it’ll go. But I know it’s going to be good for you. You’re going to get better at basketball, you’re going to make friends, and you’re going to have fun. I’m not worried about you—you’ve got this.”
That’s the balance. You don’t ignore their emotions, but you also don’t let them dictate the outcome. You help them see that fear doesn’t mean stop—it means go.
Becoming Your Own Cheerleader
This lesson isn’t just for kids. It’s for all of us.
At some point, we have to take control of the voice in our own heads. Because fear doesn’t disappear when we grow up—it just shows up in different ways. We question our abilities. We hesitate. We tell ourselves we can’t before we even try.
But just like a child standing on the sidelines of their first game, we have to train ourselves to lean into the discomfort and take the leap.
As I’ve moved through life—both personally and professionally as a clinical psychologist—I’ve realized that fear and growth go hand in hand. Every time I’ve faced a challenge that scared me, I’ve been standing at the edge of something bigger than myself. And when I’ve jumped, I’ve never regretted it.
The Moment I Learned to Jump
I remember one summer, standing on the edge of a bridge, looking down at the river below. The water was calm and inviting, a relief from the scorching sun. But my stomach was in knots, my heart racing in my chest. I told myself I couldn’t do it.
Below, my uncle waited in the water. My siblings and cousins cheered from behind me. I stood. I sat. I stood again. Minutes stretched into what felt like hours.
Then, something shifted.
The voice in my head, the one that had been saying you can’t do this, changed.
You can do it. Just jump.
And instead of following it up with hesitation—Wait, no, you can’t—I followed it with action.
“One… two… three…”
And I jumped.
I still look at the picture of my uncle hugging me in the water afterward. The pride on his face. The pure joy on mine. That moment reminds me that when I leap, I am always caught—by growth, by love, by the sheer power of proving to myself that I can.
Fear is the Gateway to Growth
If we let fear stop us, we stay stuck. If we dismiss it entirely, we miss the opportunity to build resilience. The sweet spot is in the middle—where we acknowledge our fears, trust in our ability to move through them, and surround ourselves with voices (including our own) that remind us:
“You can do this. Just jump.”
Kayla Nelson, PsD.